The Alpha Male - How to Act Around Women You Like
I get a lot of emails from guys asking all kinds of questions about how
to behave around women. In fact, this might be one of the areas that guys
want to know about the most.
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past year or so about the concept
of being "cool".
In other words, I've been watching people (myself included) to see if
I could figure out why some people are considered "cool" while
some are considered "uncool"... and, more importantly, how to
use this idea to have more success with women.
So what is a "cool guy"? And what is it about a guy who's "cool"
that makes women feel more attracted to him than an "uncool"
guy?
Let me tell you a few quick mini-stories about guys I've known who were
UN-cool.
One friend I used to have LOVED to argue with people. He would start arguments
about anything, and always take the opposite perspective on every topic.
He did this with women all the time too. I think he felt like he was coming
across as smart when he argued.
Guess what? Women hated it, and ran as soon as he started in. His guy
friends hated it too, by the way. He was UN-cool, because his insecurity
was so strong, that he had to argue to get attention.
Another friend I have always tries to do nice things and favors for women
he likes. As soon as he meets a woman he likes, he tries to find something
he can do for her. Of course, he then gets upset when the woman doesn't
return the feelings of affection... and he acts upset and "taken
advantage of".
This, of course, makes women run away. As you can probably guess, he's
trying to manipulate women with favors. And women resent him for it. Women
don't think he's cool, and they avoid him.
I know one guy who loves to tell women how beautiful they are, buy them
drinks and dinners, and pursue them with the "You're the greatest
thing in the world, and I'm going to chase you around and try to buy your
attention". And even though he's doing a lot of "nice"
things for the women he's interested in, he can't keep one around for
more than a date or two. Even his guy friends think that he needs to calm
down and act more "cool" in general.
Now, all three of the guys I've mentioned above have different problems...
but the way I see it, they're all strangely related.
Here are a few more quick stories about guys I know who are "cool".
One guy I know always has girls around him. In fact, I don't think I've
ever seen him WITHOUT at least one girl with him. Usually he has three
or four girls with him... and sometimes up to 10 or 12. He always makes
fun of the girls, teases them, and treats them like good friends who he's
comfortable enough to bust on. He's not rich, he doesn't buy things for
women, and he doesn't kiss up to them.
He DOES, on the other hand, make it his business to know where the "cool"
places are in town, where to go out, and who to call for the "inside
track" on where the hot spots are. Then he shows up at the door to
these hot spots with five women. EVERYONE who knows him thinks of him
as a "cool" guy.
I have another friend that is really amazing with women. But he does something
that's rather unusual when he's around women. He kind of IGNORES them
when he first meets them. If he's out with friends, and one of them introduces
a female friend, he'll shake her hand and say "hi", then TURN
AWAY and go back to whatever he was doing.
Somehow, the women that are around him always want to talk to HIM. And
all the guys he knows think of him as one of the coolest guys around.
Finally, I have one friend who literally says things to women like "You
probably wouldn't like me. I don't really have relationships with women.
Our relationship will probably go no further than the physical..."
He's so calm and laid back around women that they have to often pursue
HIM... and it happens a lot. He's blunt, direct, and honest about whatever
is on his mind. He doesn't chase women, buy them things, or smother them
with compliments... and yet, they love him. And he has a crew of guy friends
who all love him and think he's one of the "coolest" guys in
the world.
So what is it that separates the "cool" guys from the "uncool"
guys? What is "cool"?
What is it that makes a few rare people the kind of people that EVERYONE
wants to be around?
What is it about UN-cool guys that repels other people, and makes women
run away?
And what is it about this element that I'm calling "cool" that
makes guys who have it attract more women than they can handle?
THE DEFINITION OF COOL
I personally think that being "cool" comes down to:
1. Being independent
2. Being indifferent
3. Being funny
4. Being socially adjusted
Before I get into each of these in detail, I want to mention something...
Usually, I tend to stick to techniques to help you meet more women, or
give you advice to get past limiting beliefs, etc.
I've realized recently that there are a few BASIC, FUNDAMENTAL things
that we, as guys, need to really "get" about interacting with
other people before we start trying to learn advanced stuff, like how
to approach and meet women. If you don't have some of the basic stuff
handled, all the fancy techniques in the world won't fix your problem.
So stick with me here, this is important stuff.
OK, so let's talk about the four components that I mentioned above.
BEING INDEPENDENT
Independent is the OPPOSITE of "dependent".
When you act "dependent", you lean on others, you look to them
for approval, you ask what they think before you make a decision, you
tend to want to stay physically close to them, and your feelings tend
to depend on what others feel and think of you.
When you act INDEPENDENT, you lean back, you do things because YOU decided
you wanted to, you don't ask others what they think - instead you decide
yourself, you are fine walking away from your friends for awhile when
you're out, and your feelings are controlled by what YOU think, not what
others think.
A "dependent" person will go into a bar with friends, stick
close to them all night, ask what everyone else is drinking before they
order, get upset easily about things that others say, and constantly be
looking for attention and approval in some way.
An INDEPENDENT person, on the other hand, will go into a bar with friends
and be more likely to... walk away and look around the place ALONE to
see who's there - and feel fine about striking up a conversation and leaving
their friends for awhile... They'll order a drink if they want, or water
if they want - and not care what everyone else is drinking... They'll
be cool and calm no matter what happens - even if others are getting upset
around them... And, most importantly, they aren't looking to others for
attention and approval. They're doing their own thing, and enjoying whatever
happens.
BEING INDIFFERENT
Most people in this world are ATTACHED to the outcomes of things. They're
constantly worrying about what's going to happen... and talking about
the future in a fearful, uncertain way.
This type of person always wants to know what other people think of them,
and they're worrying about what they should do so other people like them.
Unfortunately, this almost ALWAYS comes across as INSECURITY.
An INDIFFERENT person, on the other hand, just goes about life and takes
things as they come.
The indifferent person is INDIFFERENT to the outcome of whatever situation
they're in.
If it's a man, and he's approaching a woman, he will be OK with whatever
happens. If she's nice to him, great. If she's uptight, no problem. If
she's rich, famous, and beautiful... and starts coming on to him, fine.
No big deal.
When you are ATTACHED to the outcome of a situation, it makes you act
all kinds of freaky. You pause, act nervous, hold back, look for approval,
act insecure... and any of 100 other unattractive things.
On the other hand, when you're INDIFFERENT to the outcome, it makes you
MAGNETIC. Especially when it comes to women and dating. Indifference is
the ultimate way to show a LACK of insecurity in life.
BEING FUNNY
Humor is magic.
It's a complete mystery why we find things "funny" and why we
"laugh".
Crying because someone died makes some logical sense. It's a bad thing,
and crying expresses a negative emotion.
But when you see a dog run into a window because he doesn't see it...
and he gets a confused look on his face, you LAUGH. What's with that?
Humor is interesting to me, in that if you're funny, it makes people FEEL
GOOD inside. They laugh, and it triggers positive feelings.
If you're not naturally funny, it's a great skill to learn. Read books.
Watch live comedy. Do whatever it takes to learn how to be funny.
Most of the "coolest" guys I know are wickedly funny. Some of
them are only funny on occasion... but they "get it"... and
when they do make a joke, it's DAMN funny.
BEING SOCIALLY ADJUSTED
I know that this sounds funny, but most of the people I know who are "UN-cool"
are not very adjusted socially.
They lack a certain something in the "social skills" department
that makes it OBVIOUS to others (and especially women) that they don't
know how to relate very well to other people. They just never learned
how to make others feel comfortable around them.
If you've ever known an accountant or computer programmer that was brilliantly
smart, but totally boring, you know what I mean.
If people act kind of nervous, strange, and uncomfortable when they're
around you, then you also know where I'm coming from on this.
I can't teach you how to make people feel comfortable around you in two
sentences, but if you need to learn how to mix with people socially, then
start PAYING ATTENTION to what's going on around you.
Watch how others dress, hold themselves, walk, and talk. Pay attention
to little details... like saying "What's up?" when you meet
someone new, instead of "Hello, pleased to meet you" and such.
...now, is this all there is to being "cool"?
Of course not.
But it's a great start.
If you can first get yourself to the place where other people want to
be around you just because they enjoy your company, you'll find that taking
things to the next level with women will be about 10 times easier.
I've had this conversation with MANY of the guys I know who are successful
with women, and they all basically say the same thing... you have to learn
how to be "cool" and make others (women) feel comfortable just
being in the same room with you. And if you're "cool", this
happens almost instantly. If you're not "cool", then you're
going to have a hard time making ANYONE feel comfortable with you... never
mind having a woman feel ATTRACTION for you.
Even though I don't talk very much about this concept (I will in the future,
though), you'll notice that many of the techniques you'll learn from my
materials will help you in a lot of areas of your life... not just with
women.
As a direct result of the things I've learned about how to be more successful
with women and dating, I've ALSO become more successful at things like
being invited to "exclusive" parties, having famous and successful
people pursue me as a friend, and just generally being invited into more
"exclusive" social circles.
Why is this?
Well, for one thing, people who know a lot of "cool" or influential
people are very careful about who they "bring along" to gatherings
with friends.
The LAST thing someone "cool" needs in their life is an "UN-cool"
person making a jackass of themselves in front of all of their friends.
When you learn the art of being "cool", you start to attract
other cool people. And those people will see that you're not insecure,
emotionally unstable, clingy, and such. They'll see that you know how
to handle yourself with other people (and with women), and they'll start
introducing you to other cool people (and women) instead of running away
from you.
I can't tell you how much I wish I would have had this stuff when I was
younger.
